ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
