Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize