I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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