your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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