i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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