I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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