My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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