Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
