Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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