I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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