The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
