Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
