I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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