I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
