I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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