you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
