dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
