I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize