dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
