I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
