i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
