MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
