I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
