i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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