I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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