I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
His hands were made for my vagina.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
