I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
