dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
