I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
