My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
