I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well I just put wine in my tea
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
