please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
