8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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