at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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