he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
