yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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