How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize