and she was petting her beer can
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
