just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
