I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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