If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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