sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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