His pubic hair was longer than his dick
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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