I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
