and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
