Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
