I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
