For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
