Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
