He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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