I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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