Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
