i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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