Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
