I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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