I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
