you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
