2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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