think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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