but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
