Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
