Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize