from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
