Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
