You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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