where am i from again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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