i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
