i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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