The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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