i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
